The Business is Annoyance
by ankhbearer3
Summary: What happens when two muggle girls from another world appear at Hogwarts? Cry havoc and let loose the hounds of war! In the funnest way possible, of course. How will Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy survive? Who ever said they would?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: If I owned anything like Harry Potter.... I'd be in Europe by now. But noooo... I don't have millions from a nifty nifty book series. I haven't made a permanent mark by getting a word put in the dictionary. I'm not J.K. Rowling. So, none of this is mine. Exept for the two muggle girls. Those are mine. Yeah.

Also, there are a couple of one liners in here that are nicked from other fanfics and they belong to their respective owners and creators. Yeah.

Enjoy the fic!!!

Prologue  
  
The two of them had fallen asleep watching a movie. The first Harry Potter movie, to be exact. They were sprawled out in different parts of the room. Sarah was stretched out on the sofa. And Mariah was curled up on the love seat.  
It had been late when they started the movie and had fallen asleep almost simultaneously during the scene in which Harry and his new friends were getting sorted. Now, the credits were rolling and the girls had... well, they had disappeared. Where were they? Well, that's the story... 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
  
Sarah jerked awake to the sensation of falling and gasped. "Damnit! I hate it when that happ-ahhhh!" She cried out as she tumbled from her precarious perch on the edge of the.. table? The hell?!  
Rolling off the table, landing with a thump on a bench, and finally hitting the floor with a pain filled cry, she whimpered, "My buutt..."  
Meanwhile, Mariah had been snoozing on a bench. Muttering something, she rolled over, only to fall off the bench and land with a pain filled thud. "What is going on?!" she demanded, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  
"Personally, I want to know where the hell we are," Sarah yawned, squinting to see what kind of room they were in.  
"This has got to be one of my more painful dreams..." Mariah muttered, stretching.  
"What makes you think we're dreaming?" Sarah demanded. Mariah gave her a pointed look. "Right. I forgot. We have some of the most whacked out dreams on the planet..." she said grumpily, standing and gingerly rubbing her butt. "That's gonna leave a mark.."  
Looking around, the red-head got a thoughtful look on her face. "Hey, Mo... This place looks exactly like the Great Hall at Hogwarts... Only dark.."  
"Yeah, so? What's the big deal? It's just a dream," Mariah stated, standing and looking around. "Jeez.. My imagination is getting good..." she said to herself.  
"Well, I know we always have whacked out dreams, but... I never remember mine..."  
"You don't ever remember your whacked out dreams? What about the goats, Sarah? Remember? 'This is how we milk a goat!' " Mariah mocked, doing a bad white girl dance.  
"All right. Fine. I do remember some of my whacked out dreams, but not as many as you.."  
"So, what are we saying? Are we saying that this isn't a dream?" Mariah asked, thinking. "Although, I've never shared a dream with someone else..." She shrugged.  
"Neither have I," Sarah agreed, yawning again. "So, if this isn't a dream, then were the hell are we and how did we get here?"  
"Maybe we really are at Hogwarts," Mariah offered, somewhat excitedly.  
"If we are then... Ooh! Snape's chair!" Sarah squealed, making a sprint towards the previously mentioned chair before Mariah could say anything. "Mwahahahaha! I got the dirty old man's chair!" she cackled, throwing herself into the chair.  
"Not fair! I want to sit in his chair, too!" Mariah yelled, flailing slightly.  
"Get over it. You know, I really can't understand how so many people think he's gross. I mean, he's just so sexy in a dark, serious, snide, sarcastic, morbid sort of way.. It's very appealing..." Sarah smirked, leaning back in the chair with a happy and contented sigh.  
"I still think it's unfair..." the brunette muttered, shaking her head. "But, I do sometimes wonder if the man ever bathes..."  
"Well.. We don't actually know if he ever-" Sarah froze and got a wide-eyed look on her face. "....."  
"What? What is it?" Mariah asked worriedly. Sarah didn't say a word as she paled and leaned forward. "What is wrong with you?" She looked around to make sure there was nobody there.  
Slowly bringing her hand up, Sarah reached around and felt the back of her head. "Oh my God!" she squealed, pulling her hand back and staring at her slime covered fingers. "That's just...EW!"  
Unable to help herself, Mariah cracked up laughing. "I knew there was a possibility that he was a slimy kinda guy, but you wouldn't listen!" She giggled, clutching at her sides. "And you were all excited about getting to sit in his chair!"  
"Oh, shut up... You were all upset for not being able to sit in it a few minutes ago.." Sarah muttered as she frantically shook her hand in an attempt to rid herself of the slime that seemed to be adhering to her skin. "Eew!" Mariah continued laughing as Sarah flailed around, her lip curled in disgust.  
"Someone there, my sweet?" a creepy voice murmured softly. "Are there students out of bed?"  
"It's Filch!" Sarah cried, waving her hand even more frantically.  
"Oh, that's great! Just give us away, why don't you!?" Mariah yelled, tapping her foot.  
"It's not like you're helping any!" Sarah retorted, looking around for something to wipe her hand on. "This is just wrong!" she muttered.  
"Will you shut up!? We're going to get in trouble!" Mariah stated, looking worriedly at the doors.  
"Oh, give me a break! How can we get in trouble if we're not even students?!" Sarah demanded, giving up on her hand and simply holding it away from her in disgust. "I am so making that man take a bath..."  
"Duh! Trespassing! We don't exactly belong here!" The brunette yelled.  
"....Oh, yeah..."  
"Idiot..."  
"Shut up!"  
"No!"  
"Yes!"  
"Gotcha!!!"  
"AAAAHH!!!"  
Filch cackled as he opened the doors to find two girls arguing in the Great Hall. "Oh my, we are in trouble, aren't we?"  
"Well, isn't this just fabulous..." Sarah muttered, growling at Mrs. Norris, who quickly scurried behind Filch. "Not only do we get caught, I have slime stuck to my hand.. It's frigging adhered to the skin!"  
"Just.. shut up..." Mariah sighed, rubbing her temples.  
"Come along, children. Time to get you to your doom..." Filch stated, beckoning them with a gnarled finger.  
"Oh, yeah.. We're in trouble, aren't we?" Mariah said, tapping her lips with a finger.  
"And you yell at me for being an idiot?" Sarah demanded as they followed Filch down the hall. "And, just out of curiosity, Mr. Filch, sir... Are you dating Professor Trealwany or something? I'm asking because you always seem to be predicting the worst possible out come for students who are out of bed or in trouble..."  
Filch muttered something under his breath and continued walking.  
"Well, that was rude..." Sarah stated, pouting.  
"Bwahahaha!!!" Mariah busted out laughing.  
"What's so funny? I was just asking a simple question!"  
"That doesn't make it any less funny!"  
"Ugh... Whatever.." Sarah muttered, even though she had a small smile on her face.  
They walked in silence behind Filch. Sarah glaring at her hand in disgust and dreading what the back of her head looked like. And Mariah following in humbled silence.  
"Here we are!" Filch cackled. "Don't forget to say good-bye!" He continued cackling as he walked away, Mrs. Norris following close behind.  
"That is one strange little man..." Sarah commented, holding her hand as far away from her body as she could.  
"I can't believe that dirty little toad left us here!" Mariah cried, glaring after Filch before turning to face the statue next to them. "Dude.. This is the gargoyle by Dumbledore's office.. Does this mean we have to list a candy?"  
"Where's Trevor?" Sarah asked, confused.  
"I never said anything about Trevor."  
"But, you were talking about a dirty little toad."  
"I was talking about Filch."  
"Oohh... Makes sense now..."  
"Why are you being such a dork?"  
"Uh... I'm tired and I fell off a table?"  
"That is no excuse."  
"Sure it is. You just don't like it."  
"Chocolate Frogs!" Mariah cried suddenly, turning to look at the gargoyle.  
"What?" Sarah yelled with a flail, staring at her in confusion.  
Mariah practically squealed as the gargoyle moved to reveal the moving stairs. "I am good!"  
"Huh.. Whatever..." Sarah stated as they jumped onto the stairs and rode them to the top. "Oh, my God!" she cried as the door opened to reveal the occupants inside. 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Squealing, Sarah made a dash towards one of the occupants and firmly attached herself to his waist. "It's Snape!!" she cried, suddenly feeling like she was on cloud nine.  
  
"That is so unfair..." Mariah muttered under her breath before grinning widely at Dumbledore. "I knew we were really at Hogwarts! This is so cool!"  
  
Snape stiffened as a pair of arms wound around his waist and banded his arms, holding him tightly. "What the bloody hell....?!" he demanded, looking down to see a young woman with flaming red hair and.... almost no clothes hugging him with a contented look on her face. "Get off of me!" He struggled and flailed his hands to release an arm before pulled out his wand and aimed it right between her eyes, his own threatening a painful death if she didn't comply.  
  
Opening her eyes, Sarah saw the wand and raised a brow. "Right..." she muttered, letting him go and backing away a pace. "Grouch..."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled at the sight of Snape being practically glomped by an unknown girl. "Might I inquire as to why you're here and not in bed?" he asked, looking from Mariah to Sarah and back again.  
  
Mariah smiled brightly and thought for a moment. "Uh.. We're not students. We just woke up in the Great Hall and Filch found us and brought us here..." she explained, rocking back and forth on her feet. "We're muggles.."  
  
Meanwhile, Snape had taken off his outer robes and thrown them at Sarah. "Would you please cover yourself? Those... clothes are most indecent..." he growled, not looking to see if the girl had done as he'd ordered.  
  
"I don't know what you mean. These are some of the most decent pajamas I own.." Sarah said wrinkling her nose at him before slinging the robes around her shoulders and glancing at her pajamas. Okay. So, maybe the short leopard print velvet pajama shorts and high riding pajama tank were a bit on the revealing side. But, they were better than her underwear. Anyway.. back to the problem with the slime. Looking to see if anyone would notice, she started to frantically wipe her hand on a sleeve in an attempt to rid herself of the slime that was seemingly stuck to her skin. It helped a bit.  
  
"Muggles? In Hogwarts? How can that be?" Dumbledore asked, still speaking with Mariah.  
  
Shrugging, Mariah moved to sit in a chair that had appeared behind her. "Beats me.. We fell asleep watching the Harry-" she was cut off when Sarah hissed at her, glaring. "Uh... We were watching a movie and fell asleep on the couches in our living room and woke up in the Great Hall. So, we don't know how we got here..."  
  
After hissing at Mariah, Sarah glanced at them before shifting up the other sleeve of the robes and frantically wiping off the back of her head. She shuddered when some of the slime touched her neck through her hair.  
  
"Just what do you think you are doing?" Snape demanded, glaring at her with immense irritation.  
  
Freezing, Sarah slowly turned to look at Snape. 'Damn. He wasn't supposed to be watching me...' she thought to herself before saying, "Uh.. Well, I was just.. uhm.. Cleaning off the back of my head?"  
  
Sneering, the Potions Master turned to look at Dumbledore. "Surely you don't believe them, Headmaster!? They could be spies for the Dark Lord, for all we know!" he yelled, pounding his fist on the headmaster's desk.  
  
Sarah and Mariah both looked completely outraged at that statement. "We are not spies for Voldemort or any other would-be world conquering moron!" Sarah shouted, getting in Snape's face. She had to tilt her head back a bit, but that wasn't the point. "If you want us to prove it, give me your wand for two seconds and I'll show you." She held out her hand expectantly.  
  
Snape didn't move an inch, instead choosing to glare black death at the girl. "And, why should I? So you could kill me with it? I don't think so.." he muttered, looking down his nose at her.  
  
"Sarah.. You're not helping anything," Mariah said, shaking her head.  
  
"Well, damnit! I fell off a table, busted my ass on the floor, got slime adhered to my hand, had to deal with Filch, was told I was indecent for actually wearing pajamas to bed for once, then got accused of trying to murder this greasy excuse of a human and Dumbledore. I think I have every right to be pissed off!" Sarah yelled, not looking away from Snape for a second, her golden eyes flashing with barely suppressed anger.  
  
Snape growled and raised his wand with every intention of cursing this scrap of a woman into oblivion. But, before a spell even reached his lips, his wand was out of his hand and pointed at his nose.  
  
"Why, thank you for allowing me to prove my point.." Sarah hissed, poking his nose with the tip of the wand. "Now, watch..." She waved the wand back and forth in front of his face, making swishing and flicking movements like a first year would do when getting their first wand. Not a single thing happened. Not a spark or a flash. Not even a wisp of smoke. "See?"  
  
Snape, who had not moved an inch since his wand was taken from him, stared at her with open shock. Dumbledore chuckled. "Yes, I do believe you are telling the truth. Now, if you would kindly give Professor Snape back his wand. I fear he is at a bit of a loss without it."  
  
Suddenly realizing exactly what she had just done and to whom, Sarah placed the wand back into the potion master's hand, which was still raised to curse her, and rushed to hide behind Mariah. "Eh heh... Sorry about that. My temper tends to run away with me." She blushed and gave a small apologetic smile to Snape, who still wasn't moving.  
  
"Nice going, Sarah. Now you really helped the matter. Get him angry enough to kill you. Bravo." Mariah muttered sarcastically as Sarah continued to cower behind her for protection, though her eyes were twinkling merrily.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled more at the girls' antics and Severus' shock. It wasn't often that he saw the Death Eater turned spy in such a state of shock. Now that he thought about it, he had never seen the younger wizard in such a state of shock. "Don't worry about him, dears. Would you care for a lemon drop?" he asked, offering them some of the sticky candies.  
  
Sarah eagerly snatched a lemon drop and licked it. "Mm.. I haven't had one of these in ages. Last thing I really had was a Lemonhead. And those just aren't the same." She slipped the candy into her mouth and pursed her lips as the sour taste assaulted her senses.  
  
Mariah shook her head at both the offer and Sarah's comments. "So, Headmaster.. What are you going to do with us?" she asked, praying for all she was worth that they would be able to stay at Hogwarts. Specifically because she wanted to meet Lucius Malfoy. Oh, yeah. 


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
"Well, I see no reason why you can't stay here for the time being. It is quite unusual for muggles to be in Hogwarts. I don't recall there ever being such a case as this before," Dumbledore thought aloud, tapping his lips with a finger. "Right. Now, how should we proceed with this?"  
  
Sarah, crunched what was left of her lemon drop and swallowed. "Well, I was thinking we'd uh... I don't know. Help out professors or something. Like, correcting papers for them or whatever. Be a sort of TA for them. We could stay with just one or alternate, I suppose..." She shrugged and fidgeted with Severus' robes. They weren't bad quality, from what she could tell. Of course, she wasn't exactly a great seamstress or anything. But, she still had her opinion.  
  
The headmaster nodded as he concentrated on pulling apart two lemon drops that were firmly stuck together. "I don't see why that would be a problem. What do you think, Severus?" he asked, glancing at the potions master.  
  
Snape, who had finally gotten over his shock (a whole new experience for him, really), cast a glare of blackest death at Sarah before turning his gaze to the headmaster. "Personally, I think we should cast them off Hogwarts grounds and let them deal with things themselves," he sneered, moving to sit in a chair that was distanced from Sarah.  
  
Sarah, in retaliation to his glare, stuck her tongue out at him and flipped him the bird.  
  
"Sarah!" Mariah laughed, shaking her head.  
  
"What? He glared at me! I'm not just going to sit here and let him think he can treat me like the lowest piece of trash on the planet," Sarah argued, crossing her arms over her chest and sticking her nose in the air.  
  
Mariah laughed and nudged her friend in the side, causing the other to squeak in a very undignified fashion. "Do you honestly think that it will stop him?"  
  
".... Good point."  
  
Snape sneered at them before turning away to glare at Fawkes, who squawked in irritation.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled slightly, his eyes glinting with suppressed humor. "And, that is why you are not Headmaster, Severus." He chuckled once more as he got to his feet. "Now, shall we sort you? I rather like your idea. Some of the teachers get rather haggard with their work load. It's not an easy job, teaching," he babbled as he walked over to the shelf that had the sorting hat resting on it.  
  
"Oh, don't bother. We've already been sorted," Sarah stated, not thinking about what that implied. That was quickly rectified when Mariah lashed out with her foot and kicked Sarah rather hard in the shin. "Ouch! What the HELL was.. oh.. Never mind. Ignore what I said. We do need to be sorted. Yeah." She rambled in a hope of covering up her slip.  
  
Snape eyed her with a large amount of mistrust and dislike, causing her to blush slightly under the scrutiny. He gave an evil smirk in response.  
  
Dumbledore looked at Mariah and Sarah searchingly, filing the slips away to look at a later time. "Very well. Which of you would like to go first?"  
  
Mariah jumped to her feet so quickly that she unsettled Sarah from her perch on the arm of the chair, causing her to flop to the floor for the second time that night. Snape sniggered in evil pleasure at her clumsiness. "I want to go first!" she exclaimed, grinning madly.  
  
Sarah glared at the brunette from her position on the floor. "You hooker," she muttered without malice. Mariah simply kicked her lightly and waited for the aging headmaster to drop the hat on her head.  
  
"Well, well. What have we here," the hat whispered in her ear. "A muggle at Hogwarts? That is interesting. But, where shall I put you?"  
  
Mariah screwed her eyes shut and prayed for anything but Hufflepuff. "Not Hufflepuff, eh? You're the second one tonight that has asked not to be put in a particular house. Very well.. How about..... RAVENCLAW!"  
  
The brunette squealed and took the hat off, a shining smile on her face. "I knew it!" she cried before yelping when Sarah kicked her. "OH! Oops.." Blushing slightly, Mariah moved to sit down as Sarah walked over to the headmaster.  
  
"Ready?" Dumbledore asked, holding up the hat. When the red-head nodded, he dropped the hat on her head and waited patiently for the hat's decision.  
  
"Interesting. Very interesting. You and your friend know much more than you are telling the headmaster. Understandable, of course. Now, where should I put you? You would do well in Gryffendor. But you would also fare well in Slytherine. Difficult decision. Very difficult, indeed. Ah! That little bit of information makes it a bit easier. If I put you there, he might be a bit less snarky. Better make it.. SLYTHERIN!" the hat cried.  
  
Sarah slowly pulled the hat off and looked at Snape. He was watching her with a closed off look. Smirking, she handed the hat to the headmaster and sauntered over to the potions master and took a seat on the arm of his chair. "Looks like it's you and me, sugar."  
  
Mariah cracked up laughed at the endearment before looking towards the headmaster, tears of laughter still in her eyes. "Now what?" 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
"Well, we have to decide where to put you," Dumbledore started, smiling, "and who you will be working with. Now.. is there anything either of you are really good at?"  
  
The two girls looked at each other with a shrug. "Well, I can cook like it's no tomorrow," Sarah said absently. " And, we can both sing. Uh. Being muggles might help a bit, I suppose. Uhm... yeah.." She trailed off, not knowing what else to say.  
  
Thinking, the elderly wizard set the Sorting Hat back on its shelf and sat down. "Hm.. Severus?" he started, looking at the younger wizard.  
  
"No."  
  
"She can cook. Which means she can do well in potions."  
  
"No."  
  
"You said just the other day how you were having a bit of a problem dealing with your work load."  
  
"No."  
  
Sarah huffed at being talked about like she wasn't there. "You know, this is getting petty," she interrupted before turning to look at Snape. "Look. I'm a very fast learner. I can do just about anything you put in front of me. I have a natural knack for cooking, which isn't all that different from potion brewing. If there's something that you don't want me to do, all you have to do is say so, and I won't do it. I can grade papers, I can assist you in brewing potions, I can run errands, I can take notes for you, I do basic dictation. Come on. Give me a chance. Who knows? You might appreciate the help..." She sighed when she finished her small speech and looked at the dark bat of a man with expectation. "Please?"  
  
Snape looked at her thoughtfully, his thoughts running rampant. 'It would be much easier for him to get things accomplished if she were to be his.. apprentice. He could leave the class in her care while he had something to do. He could have her watch over detentions while he worked on potions. Hm,' he thought to himself, tapping his lips with a long finger. 'It does hold a certain amount of promise.' "Very well. We shall attempt it. If, for what ever reason, I feel that you don't suit the position, you will leave without complaint. Understood?" he muttered on a growl.  
  
The young red-head nodded happily and moved to sit on the arm of his chair. "Agreed," she said, holding out her hand to him. He hesitated before shaking it quickly and taking back his hand, which he promptly rubbed against his trousers.  
  
Nodding, Dumbledore turned to Mariah. "And, what would you like to do, young lady?" he asked, brows raised.  
  
"Uh..." Mariah thought, wondering how to ask for the Defense Against the Dark Arts apprenticeship. "I could... work with a few teachers. Alternating between them, if that suits you?"  
  
"Certainly. Do you have any questions?"  
  
Sarah and Mariah looked at each other. "Rooming?" Sarah asked, brows drawing together.  
  
"You don't wish to stay in your house dorms?"  
  
"Uh... Not especially. I don't get on well with younger people. Not really, anyway."  
  
"Which brings me to another question. How old are the two of you?"  
  
"Well," Mariah started, "I'm 20 and Sarah is 22. And, I don't mind staying in the Ravenclaw dorms."  
  
Snape stayed silent during all this, thinking about the things that he could have Sarah do. 'She could clean cauldrons when there are no students to do detention! And, she can work with those stupid Gryffendors and make sure they don't screw up too badly... Hm, what else?' he asked himself. He was brought out of his thoughts when Sarah nudged him rather hard with her elbow. "Pardon?"  
  
Dumbledore smiled gently, amusement glinting in his eyes. "I asked you if you wouldn't mind Sarah having rooms adjacent to your own."  
  
The potions master looked at the headmaster blankly before what he said registered. "Of course not. That is, if I will maintain my privacy," he stated silkily, giving Sarah a look that said, 'I will not hesitate to hex you into oblivion if you even so much as think of disrupting my solitude.' She only gave him an air kiss and smirked, obviously not the least bit intimidated. Much to the older man's great irritation.  
  
"Good. So, Mariah, dear. What was your full name, by the by?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Mariah Devine."  
  
"And mine is Sarah Valentine."  
  
"Ah. Well, Miss. Devine, you will have your own room in the Ravenclaw dorms. It will be situated behind a portrait. And, Miss. Valentine, you will have a set of rooms next to Professor Snape's with a door leading to his rooms and to the Potions classroom, should you need anything. As they are not set up yet, you will be staying in a temporary room near the Great Hall for the time being. Any other questions?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Being that we're not students, but we're not really teachers, do we get to take house points since we're apprentices? Just small amounts?" Sarah asked, looking somewhat hopeful. " And detentions? Could we give detentions?"  
  
The headmaster considered this for a few moments before nodding. "I don't see why you couldn't. After all, Head boy and girl are allowed to, in moderation, take house points. And, as you are above the highest ranking students, it is only fair. Even though you do have a house to keep to. As for the detentions.. I suppose that would be acceptable. But, you must double check with a professor before notifying the student when their detention will take place. Is that acceptable?"  
  
"Very. Now.. Do you think we could have a map of the school? Just so we can figure out how everything is set up so we don't get horribly lost or something?" Mariah asked. It was a reasonable request, seeing as they were both somewhat directionally impaired.  
  
"Of course." With a wave of his wand, the headmaster conjured two rolls of parchment and handed them to the girls. "There you are. Now, Severus here will escort you to your temporary rooms. Breakfast is at 8am and classes begin at 9am. I will introduce you to the school at breakfast. Have a pleasant night!"  
  
Sarah and Mariah smiled brightly and bid goodnight to Dumbledore before following Snape down the stairs and out of the office. "Follow me," he ordered none to gently, heading down the hall at a fast pace.  
  
"Almost like he can't wait to get away from us," Sarah said rather sarcastically.  
  
"Can't imagine why. It's not like you really gave him a good reason for liking you. First you glomped him, then you wiped that slime off on his robes, then you yelled at him, then you pulled his own wand on him and scared the hell out of him, then you called him sugar..." Mariah responded, listing Sarah's 'transgressions' off on her fingers.  
  
"And you wouldn't feel loved after all that happened to you? I would be blissfully happy if someone called me a snarky bastard.." Sarah sniggered with a grin. "Besides, it was his slime to begin with. I was just returning what was rightfully his. Is that so wrong?"  
  
Mariah rolled her eyes and laughed. "Only you would take that as a compliment..."  
  
"Course. Someone has to."  
  
"Freak."  
  
"Hooker."  
  
Smack  
  
"Ow! What the hell did you do that for!?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Ugh. Fine.. Hooker."  
  
Smack  
  
"Shit!"  
  
"Stop saying that."  
  
The two girls promptly cracked up laughing at their own antics. None of which amused the resident potions master in the least.  
  
"If you are quite through," he sneered, stopping front of a door. "These are your rooms for the time being. Miss. Valentine, be in my classroom promptly at 8:45am, tomorrow morning. Don't be late. Goodnight." With that, he was gone. Leaving them standing in front of an old oak door that looked as though it had seen better days. And Sarah still had his robes.  
  
"Huh.. I wonder if he wanted these back..." she wondered, grinning.  
  
"Too late now. Let's see what we get to live in for the next day or two.." Mariah opened the door and stepped inside, Sarah following. It was a rather unremarkable room with one bed and a small bathroom. There was a dresser and a desk against the far wall and that's about all there was to it.  
  
"Homey.. really," Sarah offered, raising a brow. "I do have one question, though.."  
  
"And what's that?" Mariah asked, turning to look at her friend.  
  
"What the hell are we supposed to wear to classes tomorrow? Other than our pajamas..."  
  
"Well, I have clothes.. You, on the other hand, have a problem."  
  
"...Shit..." 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
Snape sat at his desk, glaring at his Gryffendor and Slytherin first years. 'Where is that stupid girl?' he thought to himself after glancing at the clock. 'It is 9:20. She was supposed to be here at 8:45. I told her not to be late..'  
  
Of course, during these thoughts, the first years were rather tense in the ominous silence of the potions classroom. They didn't have the faintest idea what their potions master was waiting for and were starting to get a little bit freaked out with their potions master's glare.  
  
Suddenly, the classroom door burst open again, this time revealing someone a little bit unexpected. In the doorway stood Sarah. Dressed in a velvet leopard print dress and black stiletto heels. Her long red hair was pulled tightly into a French braid and she had a rather flustered look on her face. She also had a black robe slung over her arm. "Sorry I'm late... I had a bit of a clothing issue that just couldn't wait," she said as she strutted into the classroom, her heels clicking on the stones.  
  
Severus coughed at the sight of her and fought back a curse. "What is with this girl and indecent clothes?!' he demanded to himself. A rather nasty habit he needed to break. "Go into my office, Ms. Valentine and I will speak with you in a moment," he ordered, pointing to the door situated just past his desk.  
  
Of course, rather than jumping to do his bidding, the red-headed muggle stopped in front of him and gave him a slow and rather thorough once over. When her golden eyes reached his, she raised a brow and smirked. "I just wanted to thank you for letting me borrow your robes last night... They were exceptionally helpful."  
  
During her entrance and the exchange, many of the students were whispering to each other about the red headed woman who was smiling saucily at their seemingly grouchy and bitter potions master. One or two of the boys in the classroom looked at her with interest, their beginning teenage hormones kicking in slightly.  
  
Snape choked slightly at her innuendo with his robes. "Get into my office without further comment and stay there until I come for you," he hissed, grabbing her by the arm and shoving her into his office. He took grim satisfaction when she stumbled and slammed into his desk.  
  
He made quick work of his class, now that his infernal apprentice had finally decided to grace them with her presence. He gave those Gryffendors a tongue lashing and dropped the stupid Potter boy down a few notches before class was over. He had even managed to take some house points from those little pests. Not that a whole lot of work was completed. Now, he just had to deal with his newest assistant. Well, only assistant, if you were going to split hairs.  
  
After all of the students had filed out of the classroom, he waved his wand and shut and locked the door. He was going to enjoy giving that bratty girl an earful before sending her packing. With a sneer firmly placed on his face, he stalked to his office and slammed open the door, hoping the dramatic effect would cause his apprentice to jump.  
  
Sarah raised a brow as the office door swung open and slammed against the wall. She had, of course, been expecting something like that and wasn't the least bit surprised or intimidated. She was, in fact, leaning casually against his desk, a potions text in one hand and a perfectly round ball in the other. While reading the potions book, she was sliding the ball around on her hand, causing it to have almost liquid movements. "So glad you could join me, Professor."  
  
Growling, the extremely irritated potions master slammed the door closed and stalked further into the room. "Did I or did I not, ask you to be here promptly at 8:45? And just what do you think you are wearing?" he demanded in a low voice after sitting gracefully down behind his desk. He glared at her position of practically sitting on his desk, giving a clear indication that he wanted her to move. He would have no such luck.  
  
Sarah didn't move an inch at his accusing glare and hissed questions. In fact, she just smiled and went back to her reading. "I am well aware of the fact that you told me to be here, promptly, at 8:45 this morning.." she stated on a sigh.  
  
"Then, why are you late?!"  
  
"Don't get a high and mighty attitude with me. You didn't remember my lack of wardrobe any better than I did. So, don't think that you're so much smarter than me for that. And, rather than embarrass you by coming into the classroom in my pajamas and your robe wrapped around me, I went to the Headmaster to discuss my problem. The clothes I am wearing are not quite what I was expecting in the way of help from the Headmaster, but they are all I have. If you have a better idea, feel free to share."  
  
Before he could comment, the door to his office swung open to reveal Mariah, who was dressed in a pair of black corduroys, a black and blue sweater and black boots. There was a studded bracelet on one wrist and a spiked bracelet on the other. She raised a brow when Snape muttered under his breath about her clothing. "Am I interrupting something?" she asked, walking into the office and flopping into a chair. "I love your office, by the way."  
  
"How did you get past my wards?" he demanded, standing.  
  
Mariah blinked and stared at him, a confused look on her face. "You had wards up?"  
  
A twitch developed in the corner of his eye and he closed them in an attempt to calm down. "Yes. I had wards up. How did you get past them?" he hissed through his clenched teeth.  
  
Sarah shrugged and went back to her reading. This little problem didn't involve her. Her problem consisted of finding a bigger wardrobe. After all, she couldn't go through each day wearing just her leopard print dress. And, now that she had the dress, she didn't have any pajamas. Things just weren't working out properly. Dumbledore sure did have an sort of off sense of humor...  
  
"Wouldn't you agree, Miss. Valentine?" Snape demanded, glaring at his newest acquisition.  
  
Looking at him boredly with a raised brow, she said, "Of course I would love to go to dinner with you. But, since we barely know each other, I think we should get better acquainted first, don't you think? And, I'm not a piece of property, so stop looking at me like I'm some unwanted piece of furniture you have to sit on.."  
  
By the time this brief monologue was finished, Mariah was almost falling out of her chair because of laughing so hard. "Uh.. I think that's a bit off topic, Sarah."  
  
"Well, how can I agree to something if I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be agreeing to? Next time you're speaking to me, Professor, get my attention first. Don't assume I'm going to be waiting with baited breath every second of every day for you to say something to me." Satisfied with what she had to say, she went back to her book.  
  
Growling under his breath, Snape turned to Mariah. "If you would be so kind as to leave us alone, Miss. Devine? I would like to talk to my... apprentice... about a few things," he hissed, glaring at the girl, who was occupied with eyeing and prodding various samples and specimens on his shelves.  
  
"Huh? Oh, you mean me?" Mariah asked, blinking. "Sure." She shrugged, waved at Sarah and walked out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind her.  
  
"Now, Miss. Valentine," he began, snatching the book and ball from her, effectively gaining her attention. "We need to discuss your attitude and several other things now. So, pay attention." He sneered at her as he sat down gracefully behind his desk.  
  
Raising a brow when he snatched away her book and ball, Sarah shifted so she was sitting on his desk, propped up on her hands and legs crossed. "Oh? Please, lets discuss my attitude, then."  
  
Hissing slightly, he steepled his hands in front of him and glared at her over his fingertips. "Now... If you are to remain my apprentice, you will give me the respect I deserve as your superior. I will not negotiate or argue with you over this. My word will be law." He smirked when her eyes narrowed at him. "You will arrive to class at 8:45am sharp every morning, Monday through Friday. You will do exactly as I say in class, without comment or argument. And, you will wear appropriate clothing and not that... dress.. you are wearing now. Or those shoes. I expect you to be clean cut and ready to represent the Slytherin house to the best of your abilities. Should you not comply with these... agreements, you will no longer be welcome in my classroom and will be reassigned to some other professor that has the patients to deal with you and your immaturities. Understood?" Taking her silence as an assent, he nodded. "Good. Do you have any questions?"  
  
Sarah waited patiently for him to finish with his rules and regulations before taking a deep breath to calm her temper. "No questions, per se. But, I do have a few comments to your... requests, to put it politely. My clothes.. What I am wearing is all I own. So, unless you plan on taking me shopping or giving me money to go shopping, this is all I have and I will continue to wear this until my wardrobe has been situated. If that is a problem, discuss it with the Headmaster. Now... I have a difficult time waking up before ten in the morning, so if I am late to class, it is completely unintentional and I will do my best to curtail my tardiness. As for you being my superior, that is true to a certain extent. I will do as you say in your classroom. But, if you should try to order me about outside of the classroom, you will get the shock of your life because I don't take kindly to being told what to do by a pompous, arrogant man such as yourself. I am only immature when I am not required to meet others' expectations. Which will only be in class with you and the other students. Other than that, I will act as I see fit. If you attempt to humiliate or embarrass me in front of the students or staff, I will retaliate in a very unpleasant manner. Is that agreeable? Good. Now, what would you have me do for you, Professor Snape?" She stood up and clasped her hands in front of her, looking down her nose at him in a very prim and arrogant manner that grated his nerves because it was almost flawless.  
  
"Do as I say and I shant have any arguments," he muttered, standing and pulling out his wand. "Now, about your... .clothes. That term is used very loosely, by the way. Take my robes from last evening and put them on, if you will." This was an obvious order and she muttered softly on her breath as she swung the robes about her shoulders.  
  
"Now what, Professor?"  
  
"Don't move..." Giving a swish and flick of his wand, Snape had transfigured the robes into a simple, almost medieval style dress with shoes of black leather that had small heels. 'Not the best clothing, but it will do for the time being,' he thought to himself as he tucked his wand away. "I will speak with the Headmaster about providing you with an appropriate wardrobe this evening. Until then, that will have to do."  
  
Sarah looked down at her latest outfit and smirked. The robes had been turned into a dress with belled sleeves and a square neckline. The bodice hugged her waist while the skirts flared out into a delicate bell. The fabric was the same and scratched at her only a bit. "It's well enough." That was the best he was going to get considering the way he was speaking to her. Like she was the lowest life form on the planet and not even worth his attentions. 'That'll change...' she thought with a secret grin.  
  
"Now.. There is a class starting in twenty minutes and I would like to give you directions for the rest of the day. So, if you wouldn't mind.. ?"  
  
"Yeah yeah.. Whatever..."  
  
"Watch it, Miss. Valentine. I still haven't decided to keep you as an apprentice."  
  
Grumbling under her breath, Sarah stalked out of the classroom, muttering insults under her breath. Also, plots of torment flitting through her head as payment for his attempt at degradation. 'He'll never know what hit him...' she cackled inside her head. 'Oh, just you wait, Severus Snape. Just you wait...' 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
It was after classes on a Friday afternoon. Severus Snape sat in his office, looking through notes on the lessons for next week, when suddenly, the door slammed open and Sarah came stalking in, slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Have you spoken to Dumbledore about my wardrobe?!" she demanded, slamming her hands on his desk and glaring at him. "Because I, personally, am tired of wearing the same dress everyday! Granted, it's clean, but I want variety, damnit! Which means, I NEED MORE CLOTHES!!!" She straightened up and sneered down her nose at him. "So, unless you want me hounding you and nagging you and harassing you every second of every day, I suggest you go speak with the headmaster. Otherwise, you are really, really not going to like the person I will become. Are we kosher?"  
  
Snape didn't even look up from his notes as she ranted at him. Instead choosing to ignore her. Which, really, wasn't a good idea. As they say.. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And this woman was reaching her limits. "You forget who you are speaking to, Ms. Valentine. Your little Ravenclaw friend doesn't seem to be having any such problems. Perhaps you should get your priorities sorted out before complaining. Wouldn't you agree?"  
  
Twitching slightly, Sarah closed her eyes and fisted her hands in an attempt to calm down. "Mariah isn't having any problems because she has a dorm full of people who are more than willing to let her borrow some clothes! And, I know exactly who I'm speaking to, you over grown bat winged ball of grease!"  
  
"You had ample opportunity to stay in the Slytherin dorms, Ms. Valentine," he hissed warningly. "And, I suggest you curb your tongue or suffer the consequences."  
  
"Ooh.. Watch me care..." Sarah growled, starting to pace. "And, if I had stayed in the Slytherin dorms, I would have been killed in less then a day. And, somehow, I don't think that you would have wanted to explain to the headmaster why your new apprentice was found dead in the dorms of the house of which you are the head of. Hmm?" She curled her lip in disgust when she stopped in front of a jar full of some slimy and indefinable substance. "Back to the topic at hand. My wardrobe, or lack there of. If you do not speak with the headmaster by dinner, I'm going over your head and speaking with him myself."  
  
Snape glared at her and went back to his notes. "As if you could get away with giving me orders. But, for the sake of amusement, what will you do if I do not comply with your demands?"  
  
An evil grin passed over her face as she slowly and silently shifted behind him and leaned over his shoulder. Whispering in his ear, she said, "Have you ever seen a Hufflepuff couple when they're in love?" The evil grin deepened as he stiffened. "I will make your life perfectly miserable by hanging all over you, cooing at you, and calling you nauseatingly sweet endearments, thus completely ruining your reputation as the most feared, evil, professor Hogwarts has ever known. How's that for a necessary action to get what I want, Sevipoo-sugarbutt?" Without waiting for a response, she flounced out of the room, thoughts of revenge and torture running through her head.  
  
Snape glared after her before shuffling his notes. "She wouldn't dream of doing anything of the sort to me.. Would she?" A tiny worry started niggling the back of his mind, but he ignored it and continued to go through his notes. Little did he know that his worries would very quickly become reality.  
  
Dinner time rolled around and still Snape had not spoken to the headmaster. Sarah sat facing him at the teachers table, not eating, not talking. Just watching him with a pointed look that said, "Are you going to talk to him? Or are you really willing to push this and see how nasty I can get?"  
  
Snape simply ignored her and happily ate his meal. He wasn't about to get intimidated by a mere slip of a girl. A muggle girl, at that. Conveniently, it slipped his mind that, she was in Slytherin for a reason. That, of course, was a mistake that would soon be corrected.  
  
That evening, after dinner, Sarah paced up and down Mariah's room, muttering to herself about snarky potions masters that were just too attractive for their own good and them pushing girls like her to their limits. "This is getting to be stupid," she muttered, flopping down into a chair. Silently, she thought back to her conversation with the Headmaster just after dinner.  
  
(And hour previously)  
  
"Excuse me, Headmaster," Sarah asked, poking her head around the door to the headmaster's office. "May I speak with you for a moment?"  
  
"Of course, Ms. Valentine. Please, do come in and have a seat," Dumbledore nodded, gesturing to a chair across from him. "What can I do for you? Lemon drop?"  
  
Nodding, Sarah snagged one of the small candies and sat in the proffered chair. "I'm here to ask you about the possibility of getting a wardrobe for myself and Mariah. She's been borrowing clothes from the Ravenclaw sixth and seventh years for sometime now, and I've been forced to wear the same dress since the first day we were here. And, we both have a preference for having a selection and that selection being our own clothes... I've discussed this with Professor Snape, but he's refused to speak with you about us going to Diagon Alley and London to shop for a selection of clothes. So, I'm going over his head and speaking to you on my own." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, glad that she had gotten that out without stumbling over the words. Then, to keep herself from babbling even more, she stuck the small lemon flavored candy in her mouth and sucked hard, her face tightening slightly from the sourness of the candy.  
  
Dumbledore smiled gently, his bright blue eyes twinkling merrily. "Naturally you would want to have your own clothes. And, a variety would be pleasant, as well. But, I'm afraid you are going to have to speak with Severus about your wardrobe, as he is your head of house and potions professor. I will gladly offer whatever support I can and monetary means when it becomes necessary, but you must get his approval first. Understood?"  
  
Scowling, the redhead thought about what the headmaster had said before a grin spread across her face. "I understand perfectly, Headmaster. Thank you for your time." She stood up and headed for the door to the office.  
  
"And, good luck, Ms. Valentine. I fear you are going to need it."  
  
"Oh... I'm not the one who's going to be needing the luck, Headmaster. Professor Snape is going to need all the luck he can get by the time I get done with him. Good evening." With that, Sarah was gone, leaving the headmaster to chuckle over the mere thought of what the redhead might do to get Severus to agree to the wardrobe.   
  
Sarah looked at Mariah with a raised brow. "What's the possibility of my getting the Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffendor seventh years to help me?" she demanded, thoughts of how she would torment Snape coming to life in her evil little mind.  
  
"Pretty good, I'd say. Most of them don't exactly favor your charming potions master much." Mariah responded, not looking up from the DADA book she was reading. "Do you have any idea how nasty Quirrell smells with all that garlic and stuff? Not to mention that good old Snakeface is in the back of his head, under that dumb turban of his.."  
  
"Good. I'm going to be needing theirs and your help for what I have planned for Severus.. He won't know what hit him. I wasn't put is Slytherin for nothing, you know."  
  
"Do I even want to know what you have planned?"  
  
"Oh, you'll find out soon enough, chica. Soon enough." Sarah cackled to herself as she left the Ravenclaw's rooms to head back to her own. "We'll start the planning tomorrow. Quietly. I don't want any more people than necessary knowing about this. Good night!" With that, she was gone.  
  
Mariah chuckled and shook her head as she want back to her book. "This is going to be interesting..."  
  
Monday rolled around and Snape had no clue that his life was about to become a living hell. All because he refused to acknowledge Sarah and Mariah's needs for wardrobes. If he made the same mistake again after that day, you would seriously start doubting the man's sanity. Not that it wasn't already in question, but that was irrelevant.  
  
The students of Hogwarts were all in attendance at breakfast that morning, though they were horribly tired and having a difficult time waking up. The professors were at the head table, speaking quietly amongst each other and sipping tea or coffee. There was an empty seat beside Snape, which belonged to Sarah. But she was never at breakfast due to sleeping in. Everyone knew that, to her, the world didn't exist before ten am and she didn't even consider herself to be human until she'd had at least five cups of coffee.  
  
But, the school was in for a shock as the doors to the great hall opened to reveal Sarah, wide awake and looking... happy? She was dressed in a school girl uniform consisting of a plaid skirt that stopped just above mid thigh, a white button up shirt that had the tails knotted to show off her flat and toned stomach, with a silver and green tie around the collar, knee socks, and mary janes with three inch stiletto heels. Her ruby red hair was pulled into two high pig tails that flowed down and over her shoulders, ending in gentle curls. Her face was a stark but still attractive mass of makeup. Blue eye shadow off set all the green and a pearly pink lipstick showed off the fullness of her lips to perfection. The students and teachers couldn't help but stare at her in fascination. Not including Dumbledore and Snape.  
  
After pausing for a dramatic effect, Sarah skipped merrily up to the teachers table to sit beside Snape. The skipping did well to surprise people enough to laugh, but what came next completely took the cake.  
  
"Good morning, Sevipoo-sugarbutt! You look absolutely wonderful this morning!" she squealed in a high pitched and nauseatingly ditzy voice before giving a sickeningly sweet sigh. (AN: At this point, you have to think of Brittany, the dumb cheerleader from 'Daria'... Which I can do a almost perfect impression of, sadly enough. And this will continue for most of the chapter. .;)  
  
Severus choked on a sip of his tea and began to cough in an attempt to breath. Once he was sorted out, he glared blackest death at Sarah, though it didn't faze her for a moment. The other professors were stifling their laughter at the endearment while the student body as a whole began snigger uncontrollably.  
  
Mariah, who was seated at the end of the Ravenclaw table closest to the head table, leaned back and looked pointedly at Snape. "You ignored her, didn't you? I warned you not to. Didn't I say she could be like a wound that's been ignored for too long that could eventually kill you? Did you listen? Nope. And, now, you've unleashed her fury. And not one person will be able to stop her until she gets what she wants."  
  
At this, several of the Ravenclaws looked at the ebony haired muggle with slight fear. "She's not going to... you know.. Do that to us, is she?" one of them asked softly.  
  
"Oh, lord, no. He's her target. She has different methods for different people. Besides, you don't have anything she wants. So, there is no reason to be worried," Mariah reassured them as she went back to drinking her coffee.  
  
Severus turned his disgruntled gaze from Mariah to Sarah, shuddering as the red head gave another one of those sickeningly sweet sighs and batted her lashes at him.  
  
"Oh, Sevipoonekobunny... You just look so wonderful today!" she giggled and smiled brightly, causing the most feared potions master Hogwarts has ever seen to shudder and turn away.  
  
Dumbledore sniggered and nodded ever so slightly at Sarah, silently telling her that the plan was being most effective.  
  
Sarah nodded and turned her gaze back to Snape, staring and sighing at random intervals. Finally, towards the end of breakfast, she jumped up and threw her arms around him, squealing, "Oh, Sevi! I'm going to go prep the classroom for potions today! You just stay here and finish your breakfast and I'll take care of everything! Okay?! Love ya, buh-bye!" With that, she skipped out of the Great Hall, the doors closing behind her. What everyone didn't see was Sarah falling against a wall and shuddering horribly and muttering softly to herself as she trudged towards the dungeons, glaring at any student that got close to her.  
  
That evening, after a day full of nauseating endearments and the sickening sighs, Sarah was flopped gracelessly in a chair in her rooms, glaring at Mariah. "He lasted the day, Mariah. He wasn't supposed to be able to last the whole day!"  
  
Mariah sniggered and shook her head. "Hey.. If he lasted the whole day, and if you keep going at the rate you're going, he should crack by the end of the week. About Friday. And, when he does, it's going to be loud."  
  
"God, I don't want to do this for a week. But, it's the only way I can get through to him." the Slytherin girl whined as she tugged her hair out of her pigtails.  
  
"Are you going to be doing the whining thing all week?" Mariah asked.  
  
"Probably. Why?"  
  
"Because I need to know if I'm going to have to go Madam Pomfrey for a headache cure every night..."  
  
"Oh.. Yeah, you probably should do that. I may have to do that.. I'm annoyed with myself, yet he can last the whole damned day... I never thought it would be possible."  
  
Mariah laughed as she got up and headed for the door. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow morning, then. Get as much sleep as you can before breakfast. You're going to need it."  
  
"Oh, yeah.. Tomorrow is when the shit really hit's the fan.. Man, it's going to be good," Sarah cackled as Mariah left the room, shaking her head as she left. "Tomorrow is going to be great..."  
  
Tuesday was much like Monday with Sarah's entrance into the Great Hall. Her being up early for the second day in a row shocked both the students and the professors, alike. And, each passing hour, the simpering and squealing and basic nauseating personality got worse.  
  
"Good Morning, my sweet jellied vulcher eyes," Sarah cooed as she skipped up to the head table and sat down beside the increasingly disgruntled potions master. "I got a present!"  
  
Snape glared at her before going back to his coffee. He couldn't believe that she was actually doing this to him. She was actually carrying through with her threat because he didn't speak with the headmaster about her stupid wardrobe. How very... Slytherin of her. Well, being a Slytherin himself, he refused to kow tow her demands. He had withstood torture from the Dark Lord, she was nothing compared to that. (AN: Famous last words, ne?)  
  
"I got you a book! Isn't it great!?" She squealed and thrust a bright yellow and black book in his face. "I know you're a potions master and everything, but I just thought this would be absolutely perfect for you! It's called, 'Potions for Dummies'!"  
  
Upon hearing the title of the book, several students and professors began to laugh hysterically at the shocked look on the potion master's face. Dumbledore smiled brightly at the young professor and lifted his tea cup in a toast, his eyes sparkling merrily. Snape cursed the old headmaster silently before glaring at his apprentice.  
  
But, before he could give any kind of scathing remark, the book was tossed into his lap and he was locked in a tight glomp by the... rather indescribable red head. "I knew you would love it! Now, you finish your tea and toast and I'll go prepare for class! Okay!? Love ya, buh-bye!" She gave a nauseatingly cute giggle and skipped out of the hall, leaving the rest of the school behind to contemplate her actions yet again.  
  
"D'you think she's actually going to get her way?" someone asked.  
  
"If she were directing that kind of attention towards me, I would give her anything she asked for, just to shut her up."  
  
"You have to admit, though. It really is an ingenious plan. Being a muggle, she's got an evil streak that is ideal for Slytherin. Wouldn't you say?"  
  
"Severus," Flitwick started, "perhaps you should just give her what ever it is she wants and have done with it."  
  
"No. I refuse to allow her to force me to do anything. She's just a muggle, after all."  
  
"I would be careful if I were you, Severus. She doesn't strike me as the sort to be trifled with," Dumbledore pointed out, giving a bright smile.  
  
Snape grumbled and went back to sipping his tea and munching on his toast, taking as long as possible to finish his breakfast and avoid his apprentice. Little did he know that things were going to get worse while he loitered in the Great Hall.  
  
Ooooh.. Cliffie! Yay! Erm... yeah. Next chapter will be out soon!! Keep reading and please review!! And, thank you to the anonymous person who reviewed already! I'm glad you like it.. Is it getting annoying or do you really find it funny..? Because I'm getting a kick out of writing it.. I love bugging people. Sad thing is.. I've actually done things like that to people to get my way.. No wonder I'm in Slytherin. .  
  
Anywho!! Read and Review!!  
  
ankhbearer3 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Snape sat in the Great Hall until the very last minute in the hopes that he would be able to avoid his damned assistant. How anyone could stand being that annoying was beyond him, but there was no way he was going to bend over and give her what she wanted. No one forced him to do anything he didn't want to do. No one. And, if anyone attempted to refute that by stating his association with Voldemort, he'd hex them into the next world. If it were even possible to hex someone that far. He certainly hoped it was possible. Then, maybe he could hex Sarah away and leave himself in peace.

As he slowly made his way out of the Great Hall and down the halls to his classroom, he glared at any teacher he came across and docked house points from any student for being late to class. This, of course, made him feel marginally better. And, an evil grin spread across his face as he neared his classroom to hear laughter. That wasn't going to last for long and he was sure he would be able to dock more points once he entered the room. The thought caused a rush of satisfaction as he reached out to open the door. It rather seemed that he hadn't quite learned yet.

He stormed into the potions classroom, the door banging against the wall as he did so. His mouth open and ready to start scolding his students when he froze and the air left his lungs in a great whoosh!

His classroom was... pink. And not just any pink. That bright nauseating pink. (AN: Think Barbie pink, birthday pink, and Pepto Bismol pink all came together and had a bastard child. Yeah.. That kind of pink. You know, the one that gives you a headache just glancing at it, let alone looking at it for any great length of time? Yep. That one.. ::Shudder::) There were pink cushions on the stools to ensure comfort. Pink swathes of cloth draped the walls, the classroom gleamed spotlessly and there were large windows on one wall with sheer pink curtains framing them. There were even flowers on the desks. In pink crystal vases.

Suddenly realizing that he had to breathe, the shocked potions master took a deep breath and almost gagged. What the hell? He looked around and finally noticed several small caldrons set around the room, each emanating soft pink or lavender wisps of smoke. Incense caldrons! That wreaked of roses and lavender! But, what really took the cake, was his desk. It was pink. The ink wells were pink, as were the parchment, quills, and paper weights. Even the ink was a dark pink so as to show up on the papers. Unable to speak, he emitted a chocking noise from his throat.

"Ooh, Seviesugar-poopsipoo! I just knew you would like it! And, it looks soooo much better this way, don't you think, my sweet curly hinky punk leg hairs..?" Sarah squealed as she gave him a huge hug, bouncing in the process. Before he could even glare at her, she continued. "I have to go to the little witch's room, right now," she stated sweetly. Then, in a loud stage whisper, "It's my menstrual cycle! Be back soon! Love ya, buh-bye!" With that, she darted out of the classroom and was up three flights of stairs and starting on her fourth, which is quite a feat when you're wearing 3 inch spiked stilettos on stone work floors, when it was heard.

Snape had done the only thing he could think of to do... He'd screamed bloody murder in the form of a really, really loud roar. Eeping slightly, Sarah sped up and rounded a corner, and promptly knocked herself and someone else to the floor. "Oh! Sorry!"

Mariah laughed slightly and shook her head as she climbed to her feet, helping Sarah up in the process. "I heard the scream. Potions?"

Sarah grinned. "Yep. And the pink."

"Barbie?"

"Barbie, birthday, and medicinal."

"Ooh, you play dirty."

"Don't I know it. I feel kind of bad for the students that are still in the classroom, though... They have to deal with him for the next two hours."

Mariah sniggered. "So, do you think this will sway him completely?" she asked, starting down the hall towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"Well, if this doesn't annoy him into action, the little surprise I have in store for him will push him pretty damned close," Sarah cackled, walking with her friend. She wasn't exactly eager to get back to the potions classroom at the moment.

Before Mariah could as what the surprise was, another very loud and tortured yell rang through the halls. "And, I think he just found it," the red head smirked evilly.

"What's the surprise?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just a little charm on all the decorations... If he tries to remove them before not only agreeing to take us to where ever to get some clothes, but to speak to the headmaster as well, the pink and potions will spread. And will do so every time he or anyone else, other than Dumbledore and the house elves, tries to remove them. Nifty, huh?"

Mariah raised a brow and gave her a piercing look. "You do know that my rooms are totally of limits, right?"

"Duh."

"Okay.. What about your rooms?"

"Heh," she cackled again, rubbing her hands together. "I'm smart, see? My rooms are completely protected as is everything that isn't Slytherin territory. So, it will spread to his rooms, private lab, office, parts of the dungeons, and the Slytherin dorms."

"Well, if he's anything like you, you had better pray he'll break by the end of the week."

"Don't remind me.. And, he's the one that wants to play it hard, not me. Besides, it's not that bad, is it.. It's just pink. Right? Riiiiiight?" Sarah asked as they wondered down the hall and disappeared around a corner. "You don't think the Slytherins will mind if their dorms get turned pink, do you?" Mariah's laugh was the only response she got.

The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully. Just Sarah sighing and cooing at Snape, students laughing and sniggering at their potions professor, and Snape seconds away from a mental breakdown. And that was just Tuesday. There was still four days left in the week. Many just hoped that Hogwarts would still be standing by Saturday evening. Really, things couldn't possibly get that bad, right? Right? Helloooo?

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Wednesday dawned brightly for Hogwarts. Snape was up earlier than usual because of a paranoia that had quickly developed the past two days about what Sarah was going to pull next. The girl was completely out of line and he couldn't predict her movements and ideas before hand and it bothered him to no end. How was he supposed to get anything accomplished if she wouldn't develop a pattern.

Suddenly realizing that he was pacing, the ebony haired wizard stopped and stiffened. "This is ridiculous," he muttered, sitting gracefully in a chair. "She's just a muggle. In a school of magic. There is no way she could possibly cause this much damage. She's just a muggle." This quickly became his mantra as he prepared for the day ahead.

As per usual, Sarah pranced into the Great Hall, looking as nauseatingly cute as ever in her school girl uniform and pig tails. She skipped up to the head table and sat next to Snape and smiled blindingly at him.

"Good morning, my Sevipoo-schnookiecookie! You look absolutely wonderful!" she cooed, leaning close and sighing.

Snape closed his eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to control the sudden need to strangle the red head. Not responding, he went back to sipping his tea and munching on some toast.

Not to be deterred, Sarah giggled in the disgustingly cute nasally way and squealed. "I have another present for you! It's shampoo and conditioner! Specifically formulated for people with high amounts of oil and grease build up in their hair! And it smells like cloves and spices! And, you'll never run out!" (AN: There is a reason why it actually smells good. The shampoo and conditioner will be playing a role in the story at some point in the future, so I had to have it actually smell good. A small sympathy for the snarky potions guy, yeah?)

Ignoring the laughter coming from the other professors and the students, Sarah giggled again and gave Snape a good solid glomp before saying, "Now, I'm going to go prepare the classroom for the next potions class, so you just stay here and finish your breakfast, okay my cuddly wuddly nuzzle bear? Good! Love ya, buh bye!" With that, she was thrust the hair products into his hands and was gone, leaving behind a hall of sniggering students and a fuming potions master. Snape's reputation was never going to survive the week.

The rest of the day past with Sarah cooing at him and calling him anything from 'Snuggle butt' to potions ingredients turned into endearments. By the end of the day, Snape was fast reaching the end of his rope and Sarah was about ready to scream out her frustrations.

"Damnit, Mariah! Three days! _THREE DAYS_! He wasn't supposed to last _ONE_!" Sarah yelled as she paced around the Ravenclaw's room. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?! I'm running out of ideas!"

Mariah simply shook her head and continued reading her book. "Sarah, you're a Slytherin for a reason. They don't just give up when hitting a brick wall. They find a more under handed method to get around the wall."

Stopping her pacing, the potions apprentice eyed her friend in contemplation. "So, instead of trying to get around the wall, I should just bust it down?" she demanded, tapping her foot.

"Nope. That is a Gryffendor tendency. And, much of what you have been doing is what many Gryffendors would do." The raven haired girl sighed and shook her head, not looking up from her book. "Start thinking like a Slytherin." she advised as she hummed a Disney song under her breath.

A light flickered in Sarah's golden eyes before she headed for the door. "I need to talk to the Weasley twins.." she muttered as she opened the door. "They're going to help me get under that brick wall other wise known as Severus Snape." Stopping suddenly, she said, "That wasn't supposed to sound like that. Not that I would mind, though. But, yeah. You know what I mean. Bye!" She ran out the door.

"Good luck!" Mariah called as the door started to close.

Before it did, Sarah stuck her head back in the room, saying, "I'm going to be needing help from the seventh year Ravenclaws, okay?"

"No problem."

"Thanks!"

"Uh huh."

There was a pause before Sarah said, "Hooker!" and ran out of the Ravenclaw common room. Mariah just laughed and shook her head.

Thursday morning came around, slightly over cast, but sun breaking through the clouds. Sucking up his patience, and a large amount of courage, Severus Snape headed to the Great Hall for breakfast. It had been three days since the torments had started. Three days since Sarah had started her siege against him for some clothes. In the deep, black recesses of his mind, Severus knew that she had every right to be angry and frustrated. Though, you would never catch him admitting to that, not even to himself. Big surprise.

Breakfast passed rather uneventfully, with Sarah never showing up in her skippy, bouncing way, squealing and sighing as she did so. Giving a huge sigh of relief, Severus dug in to some eggs and toast with relish. The girl had finally given up. Hah. That would teach her to try and get her way when dealing with Snape. HAH!

Many of the students were discussing this most recent turn of events, none noticing that there were one or two students missing, along with Sarah.

"So, do you think she finally gave up?"

"Well, even if she did, you have to give her credit for the amount of effort she put in to get her way."

"What do you suppose she was trying to get, anyway?"

So the conversation continued, boosting Snape's mood even more as breakfast continued with no signs of Sarah. Cackling to himself, Snape decided to loiter a bit longer than usual in the hall, taking pride in the slight disappointment that sounded amongst the students who were saddened that Sarah's antics seemed to be over. Especially some of the sixth and seventh year boys who liked seeing the red head in her short skirts and tight tops.

Once breakfast was finished, the potions professor headed towards his classroom, a slight bounce in his step. There were several opportunities to improve his mood in the form of students that were late for class. He took advantage of each and every opportunity and docked house points right and left.

His mood was only slightly diminished once he reached his classroom to see that all the pink was still there. All well. He would speak with the house elves about removing it later. For now, he could bear teaching in a pink classroom one more day. Just to prove that he could and would stand tall over her petty torments. He conveniently forgot about bellowing in rage when he found out that the pink would spread every time he attempted to remove it and that he personal lab was pink and parts of his personal quarters were glaring pink, as well.

Class started, and still no sign of Sarah. 'Perhaps she is to ashamed to face me after being trounced by my patience,' he thought to himself with an evil laugh that turned into a soft chuckle. He choked on the chuckle when the door to his classroom burst open to reveal Sarah in all her nauseatingly cute glory with her hands behind her back.

Grinning widely, Sarah sauntered into the classroom, winking at Snape when he chocked slightly. Still standing at the back of the class, she nodded her head and three more people came into the classroom, causing much laughter. Along with Sarah, who was still dressed as a school girl, stood Fred and George Weasely and Lee Jordan. All of whom were dressed like Sarah, hair, make up, and all, with green and silver pompoms in their hands. Sarah dropped her hands to her sides to show that she had pompoms as well.

Snape could only stare at his assistant, ignoring the thought that she looked rather fetching in the short skirt that had been lingering in the back of his mind since this whole thing began. 'Why hasn't she given up?!' he yelled to himself. 'She can't possibly be this stubborn!' What happened next was going to go down in Hogwarts history till the end of time.

Nodding, Sarah and the three boys took their positions in a line at the back of the classroom, each taking a deep breath before chanting, dancing around, waving their pompoms, and kicking their legs into the air. "Once there was a snake, slithering 'cross a log! Rooting for the other team, had no sense at all. He fell into the water, and bumped his little head! And when he got back up, this is what he said: Go, go go! Go mighty Slytherin! Fight, fight fight! Fight mighty Slytherin! Win, win win! Win mighty Slytherin! GO! FIGHT! WIN!" They cheered and laughed and jumped around, causing all the students to laugh and clap at their antics.

This moment would be written in Hogwarts: A History. A trophy would be placed in the trophy room. And all would pass the story on until the end of Hogwarts, so all would know what had transpired. Not because it had finally swayed Snape. Oh, no. But because it had caused such mortification in the potions master that the man actually passed out. Passed out, not fainted. Though, everyone would say he fainted, only to get him riled up when the story was retold over and over again.

Seeing Severus slump to the floor, Sarah dropped her pompoms and ran to his side to make sure he was all right. After making sure he was fine, just unconscious, the red head moved back to the back of the classroom and picked up her pompoms.

"Would one of you please wake him up? Just, make sure you stand back, okay?" she asked, winking at the students.

Braving the wrath of the potions master, one of the Hufflepuffs waved his wand and stammered out "Enervate," while laughing hysterically.

Waking up, Snape stared at the ceiling for several moments before realizing that he was on the floor. Standing, he glared around the classroom, his eyes settling on Sarah and the three Gryffendor boys that were dressed as girls. Refusing to comment on anything that happened, the ebony haired wizard began his lessons for the day. Through out the lessons, he was continuously interrupted by Sarah and the boys with stupid cheers and such. But, he absolutely refused to acknowledge them and their antics. So, they just followed him around the school, doing cheers and praising Snape and Slytherin and causing all who saw and heard them to laugh. Except the Slytherins. They found no humor in this and were now plotting revenge against the fiery red head.

And so ended Thursday. A day that would live in infamy. And would sit right up there at the top of the list that was Snape's worst memories. Mwahaha.. Sarah just hoped that he would crack and give in by Friday evening. She still had one more trick up her sleeve. And it really should be the clincher. She hoped.

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I am soooo sorry this has taken so long to get out! I lost my funny muse and stuff and I had to find the stupid thing again.. (Listening to Eiffel 65 really helps, by the way.) Yeah. So, I give you a new chapter, now! Please read and review, like always, and stuff. I'll love you forever and give you sugar coated... Dracos and Harrys! Only $9.95 while supplies lasts! So, review and get a discount! One free sugar covered Harry or Draco, your choice on which, for a single review! And, a once in a chapter offer! Review now, and you get two for FREE! That's right! One each of the sugar coated Dracos and Harrys for a review! And, I'll even throw in a bottle of chocolate syrup! But, you have to review now! Right NOW! So, just click that little button at the bottom that says 'Review' and you'll have what you always dreamed of! (I'd offer Snape or Lucius, but they're taken. Sorry!)

Also, if anyone would like a character to make a cameo at some point in the story, please give the name, house, and brief description of said character and I'll put them in the story! It may also be a shop keeper or something in Hogsmeade or an extra teacher or something! Whoo!

Oh! And thank you soooo muuuuuch for all the people that reviewed! It means so much to me that you actually enjoy this fic and aren't just laughing at my feeble attempts at humor! Unless, that's really what you're doing. In which case, I'm going to delude myself and pretend that you're laughing because the fic is actually funny and not just... a feeble attempt at humor. Yes.. Anyway. THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!

And, please forgive the alphabet thing.. The astrics won't work on and it was the only thing I could think of... BYE!!

ankhbearer3


	9. Gomen nasi!

I am sooo sorry this is taking me so long to update! And I know many of you want to know what happens next. Things have been really hectic with me lately and I've got a lot of stuff to sort through and that's preventing me from updating.. And, I'm having a difficult time finding a funny muse and nothing else is really working. So, I'll update as soon as I can and replace this note with a real chapter!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!!! YOU ROCK!

Always,

Ankhbear


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